Ramblings on Grief and Feelings

I am still working on the remainder of my post about Defining Events.  I am collecting my thoughts.

I saw a counsellor for a time after my son passed away.  I will be completely honest.  The number one benefit from speaking to her and baring all was learning for myself that each and every thought and feeling I have is normal.  Completely!  Grief, hate, love, endless despair, want, need, failure, fear, devotion to name a few.

I know this may sound strange but the one question that bothers me the most is “how are you coping”.  I know.  It is not meant to be a negative question, but to me it feels so.  I “cope” just fine.  I get up every morning, I shower, I put on my pants, I go to work, I do my job, I come home and clean, I make meals, I do laundry and I pay the bills.   Yes, perhaps tonight I am up until 1 or 2 am but I will get up in the AM and do it all over again.

I call this “living” not “coping”.  Yes, I talk about my son.  Yes, I use his name. Yes he is ever-present in my thoughts.  Yes, many people are uncomfortable with this.    I am his mother.  It is uncomfortable for me if you choose to pretend he did not exist.  Because that makes it easier for you to function in your every day life.  He lived, he breathed, he died.  He was a person. He is my son.  My husband, and me, plus C equals three.  We are a family of three.

It is my hope that by sharing our feelings and experiences it may bring you comfort as you yourself may be having a difficult time..  Wishing you all a good night.

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3 responses

  1. I am so deeply saddened by and truly sorry for your family’s loss of Carter. Your love of your son shines through the boundless grief. Thank you for sharing your journey.

    Thank you also for checking out my blog and bringing me to your story.

    January 18, 2014 at 8:17 am

    • Jo

      Thank you so very much. It means a lot to be able to connect with other families. I look forward to reading your future posts.

      January 18, 2014 at 8:40 pm

  2. Pingback: The long path | Life, Love and my version of motherhood

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