Infertility = Lifestyle choice

I wanted to explain to you today some of my recent experiences on my journey TTC.

A number of months ago I had day surgery for exploratory purposes.  We had been TTC for 12 months.  We had issues TTC for our son as well.  Due to my age etc my OBGYN wanted do this and then refer me to the Fertility Clinic.  Depending on the outcome.

I had laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, tubal insufflation and Methylene Blue.  I had been and continue to have issues.  We felt that some of the symptoms were related to Endometriosis.  She took a number of biopsies.  All coming back negative.  I have a number of curves but they were able to perform everything that they wanted to.  My OBGYN put me off work for a week.  My three incisions had dissolvable stitches.  The first night and next day I was ok but very much cramping and pain.  I have labored and had an emergency C-section.  It was not unbearable. But not comfortable. 

The day before I was due back to work my HR department called.  At my place of employment anything 3 or more days you must fill out short-term disability papers.  “Just wanted to let you know that your claim for pay has been denied as your surgery is a “lifestyle choice”.  So you will need to make arrangements.  Either take vacation time or time without pay for the week off.  This includes the day you had surgery.”

Have you ever wanted to reach through the phone and slap someone?  This is the same woman who called me after my son was born.  She called to tell me “your claim has only been approved for 4 weeks.  My infant son died in the NICU, I had a C-Section and they expected me to return to work in 28 days. 

Throughout the course of the past two years I have felt like I have been kicked in the gut on more than one occasion.  How do these things have the power to effectively tell you that your life is unimportant?  Your wants are not valid?  I do realize in life and the work place that it is about the $1 but honestly.  I have fertility problems AND YOU TELL ME THAT IT IS LIFESTYLE CHOICE. 

Last week we had a luncheon in my building.  This same lady from HR was here.  She was ahead of me in line as we waited to be served.  She looked at me and said “How are you?”  (Her tone was not one of pleasantness).  My response (and the look of GFYS) “I am just fine.”  What did I really wish to say… “Having a great day.  Didn’t have to worry about getting a child to daycare or making it to work on time as I have made a “lifestyle choice”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

As I am living this life I see more and more signs every day that we ladies and men need to verbalize these issues.  I am just as guilty as the next person not wanting to invite more attention to myself.  But I do not want another woman to feel as I do.  I do not want another woman to be made to feel that you are unimportant.  Your want for a family is a “lifestyle choice”


4 responses

  1. I would seriously want to punch that woman in the throat. No joke. Stuff like that makes me FURIOUS! Why is it OK to get coverage for not having kids (like time off to get snipped) and you get time off when you have a kid or need time because of a difficult pregnancy, but we are harassed when we have trouble getting pregnant like everything is our choice!

    March 24, 2014 at 11:15 am

    • Jo

      I agree! It is hard enough emotionally and then to add these outside pressures!

      March 24, 2014 at 11:36 am

  2. Oh my freaking fracking…ohhhhhhhh, that makes me so mad. F*ck her!!! And f*ck that policy. That bit about “your claim has only been approved for 4 weeks” made me see red. I’ve had my share of injustices in the workplace during this struggle—even the ones that happened a few years ago now make me want to hit something hard. It is important to verbalize—thank you for doing so.

    March 24, 2014 at 10:00 pm

    • Jo

      Oh thank you for your honesty. It helps to know that I am not the only one not that I really wish to have company in this!

      March 25, 2014 at 8:37 am

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