Today is April 23rd. Four days from today would be my son’s 2nd birthday.
The anxiety is greater, the pain is ever-present.
Crying happens often.
The constant thoughts, wishes, memories flashing by as I sit at my desk.
Hearing my husband whisper in my ear “We have a son.” His first cry. His eyes as he searched for me, looking at me, when they wheeled him in his isolette to the NICU. Less than 2 minutes after his birth. My husband showing me his picture while I was in recovery. How his little hand felt when he wrapped his figures around mine for the first time. He was 3 1/2 hours old. Watching him open his eyes and stare as his father each time he heard his voice. The way his head felt next to my cheek, the first time I held and rocked him. The way Husband’s face shone the first time he held him. Rocking him to sleep for the last time.