Scared……

??

Too scared to think about this.  To scared to wish.  You know the feeling?  You are late and you think, is that a twitch.  What is that.  Is my cycle coming.  Is this a sign…..Or am I pregnant.  Is this really it this time.  After almost four years of tracking everything.  I have seen a lot of BFN’s.  I have only seen one BFP.  I had a couple of faint BFP’s but only one that was holy crap that thing has TWO LINES.  Sunday is my son’s birthday.  It is too much to wish that I would get a BFP on that day.  Too meaningful.  So, for now I will continue to ignore the huge calendar in my binder.  You know, the one that has my entire TTC journey on it.  I am ignoring it.  It doesn’t exist.  Let’s just hope I do not need to take it out and mark an x  to complete this cycle and start a new one for the beginning of the 26th cycle since we started TTC after losing our son.

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6 responses

  1. Thinking of you. I’m hoping you don’t have to put an x on this cycle too. Four years is far too long to keep track of all of that. Hugs.

    April 26, 2014 at 7:16 am

  2. HUGS. Thinking of you………………………………………………………..
    Peace and more hugs,
    Tammy

    April 28, 2014 at 1:46 am

    • Jo

      Thank you so much.

      April 28, 2014 at 11:10 am

      • Was just thinking about you, again. Hope you are doing “okay”. Just wish there was something I could do to help ease the pain. All I know to do is to keep letting you know that you are being thought of and sending more hugs. HUGS…………………………………………………..more sunshine on the way, as well.
        Peace be with you,
        Tammy

        May 4, 2014 at 11:58 pm

      • Jo

        Thank you.

        May 5, 2014 at 12:59 pm

  3. Pingback: Update… | Life, Love and my version of motherhood

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