How I feel, 2 years after the loss of our son
Today marks the 2nd anniversary of the loss of our son. At 4:20 pm on May 16th, 2012, the DR. knelt down beside me and pronounced him. He lay wrapped in a flannel blanket hooked to 2 shunts, 6 IV lines, 3 IV pumps, C-PAP, a heart rate monitor, and a temperature monitor.
There are too many emotions to describe. I feel the overwhelming sense of loss, the emptiness, grief, hopelessness, and want to name a few. I just want to go home. I am tired of being at my desk. I do not want to talk to anyone.
Tonight, I will go and light a candle at his grave. I will talk to him. As will his father. We will check his tulips, which are in full bloom on his grave today. We will spend time together as a family.
I read much and tried to learn after he was gone. I will not try to discourage you from your own journey and path. I will be honest. The emotions and feelings are much the same. Anyone that tells you it will get easier that you will move on has, in my opinion, never buried their child. Yes, you will live, you will go to work, you will go about your life because you must. But there, behind your eyes, it is there. Where no one else can see. Each of your feelings still exist. I mean…….. Why would anyone every think that you would feel differently, a day, a month, a year, a decade later? The fact has not changed. You are still that Mother with empty arms.
As you wish C.