Validating my child’s life.
Well…………that conversation did not go all that great.
We had a family funeral to attend this afternoon. I met my parents there as I came from work. After the service, we were greeting people as they were leaving. A woman from the community asked me how many children I had. My mother speaks over me and says “None.” I looked at the woman and said “I had one child and he passed away.” I left it at that.
I realize that in her own way my mother was trying to protect me from “the conversation”. Having said that why am I an a$$hole because I was real about my feelings and told the truth.
She said in our conversation this evening that she ran into the same woman at the mall and she apologized for asking. If she had known she would have never asked and did not mean to hurt me. I told my mother “it do not hurt me.”
Mom – “Well I said none so she wouldn’t ask any more questions.”
I responded “Mother. I live with this everyday. Everyday someone asks a question. It hurt when you said I had No children. I have a son.”
She then argues with me. “No, you do not have any children.”
I said “Yes Mother, I do have a child. I do not have any living children. There is a difference. Do you or do you not have a grandchild?”
“No, I do not.”
I responded “You do not have a grandson?”
“Yes, in the cemetery!”
This comment was meant to incite anger in me. But.. I responded “Well that means you do in fact have a grandchild, he just is not living.”
She is angry now. “Well I just will not speak. I will talk to no one…..”
Blah blah.. Like this hurt and anger is about her… I responded “Mother, am I not allowed to be truthful and express that it was hurtful to me and my feelings. We cannot have an adult conversation about this?”
She ended the conversation.
Each of us must decide on our journey how we are going to handle questions from people in regards to our children. I do not set up to cause someone discomfort because I answered a question truthfully. At the end of the day, it is not my fault that society does not and cannot handle the truth about upsetting things. At the end of the day. If someone asked me a question. “How many children do you have?” I will respond “One.” If they push and ask their name. I respond “His name was C.” That usually ends the conversation.