Stages of Grief

Through the past 3 years, I have read much and heard much on the stages of grief. (Some opinions warranted some not).   Some schools of thought say there are 5 stages and some say there are 7.

1. Denial

2. Bargaining

3. Depression

4. Anger

5. Acceptance

Everyone’s situation is different.  Having had time to reflect on this, I feel that you do not necessarily move through these states in order or sometimes you regress.  I will tell you at this stage in my grief I am not sure that number 5 will ever happen for me.  My DH is in his anger stage.  He has been going back and forth between depression and anger for quite some time.  My anger is still there.  It is just quieter, as emotionally I am very much spent.  There are days that I am still at stage 1.  Denial.  I reject this.  I reject what has been put upon us.  I reject having to live with empty arms.

3 years ago today was C’s due date.  Dates, times, reminders.  Each of these are the currents that flow through our daily lives.  Some are good some are not.  That is the reality of grief.  The first cry, the last touch.  Each and every precious memory tied to each event in our future life.  How can one every truly reach stage 5.

Every month you still get that hope that this time my cycle will not come.  Every month you get that ever-present grief that here it is and for the +++ time and you are not pregnant.  The birth announcements, the baby showers, strollers in the grocery store.  All the things you are so glad to see others enjoying but just will never be for yourself and your family.

You get tired after 3 years having to justify and explain why you cannot attend this function or why you spent the weekend home behind closed doors.  Although, the death of my son was the past for each and every one of the people around us.  It is our Past, Present and Future.

I am not going to say I am sorry.  I do not need to justify this.  I am a grieving Mother who misses her precious son.

Our Hands

Our Hands

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4 responses

  1. Grief is unique to each individual. And yet, the one thing that is so true is that no matter the loss, “it is our Past, Present and Future.” And I for one am adamant that you do not need to justify or apologize for your grief, and anyone who expects that you should simply doesn’t get it.

    July 20, 2015 at 11:45 am

  2. My sweet friend, you are so right. I don’t know how one could ever reach acceptance in losing one’s own child. The photos of your hands choke me up every time. So precious. So beautiful. So hauntingly sad and deeply unfair. I’d get stuck in anger or depression too. How can one not? I am thinking of you, your husband and C. It isn’t much but it’s true.

    July 21, 2015 at 12:03 am

    • Jo

      Ah thank you now I am choking up! It is hard sometimes to express all that goes on.

      July 23, 2015 at 2:33 pm

  3. Pingback: This is 40. | Life, Love and my version of motherhood

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