First off, as usual no it is not me………..

Lately, my DH and I have been faced with the pending due date of a set of twins in our family. It is ever nearing.  We have D-minus 8 weeks.  She went 3 weeks early with her first child.  Which happens to be the baby born the week after C.

We are overjoyed for them.  Although, we just cannot partake it in all.  They suffer from infertility as well, but with little intervention, have been able to conceive twice with very little time spent TTC.  She has PCOS.  This is their 2nd and 3rd miracles.

We are a very close-knit family.  Cousins and their children and now grandchildren.  We see each other very often.  LIke weekly if not more than once per week.  We struggle with how we will deal with the emotions of it all.  When we found out she was expecting we read it on FB.  I do not expect special treatment but given how close we are as a family I felt very hurt to have to read such information in a public announcement..  Even a simple text shortly before it appeared on FB to say Hi, the three of us are going to be 5 come September.  Anything.  Perhaps I should not have, but I did express my feelings on this.  I said that I was very hurt to have read it in that manner.  I know in my heart that they just do not know how to be around us.  We know that it is not meant to be harmful but sometimes one just has to look at the big picture.  The outcome of their actions.

This pregnancy has been that much harder.  We took prenatal together with the boys.  They were born 7 days apart.  You just have that longing, that want all the time.  You see the belly and wish and pray it was you too.

Today, I struggle with the how.  How will we face this occasion with dignity, love and maintain our overall well-being?

I know for sure.  There will be no visits to the hospital.  They will be born where our son lived and died.  We cannot go there.  I am sure at some point in their first week or two we will meet.  We will be the ones standing at the back of the room peeking over with tears in our eyes and very heavy hearts.

Today we await Twin 1 – Boy  and Twin 2- Girl.  May their arrival be safe and without issue. Their big brother is growing very impatient..


3 responses

  1. I’m struggling to find words. Words of comfort. Words of compassion. But they all seem so hollow when I tap them out here. I really hear your heartache and pain. I also hear your strength though I hesitate to call it that because when our choices are live in pain or take our own lives it doesn’t really feel like strength to choose the former over the latter.

    August 10, 2015 at 6:10 pm

  2. Pingback: The Drive Home | Life, Love and my version of motherhood

  3. Pingback: Happened= Your Past Tense | Life, Love and my version of motherhood

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