Am I any good at this?

What do I want to accomplish as a blogger?

Well, I know that for each blogger the answer to this will be different.  I never aspired to be living large.

I actually never thought that I would even have a blog to begin with.  Well, I never thought I would be faced with the reality of trying to live my life with no laughing children in my home either.  I look back at what my goals were in the beginning.  I compare them with today..

My goals today:

  • To connect with people in similar circumstances.
  • To find understanding by connecting with and reading other people’s views.
  • To have an avenue to express my thoughts without repercussions from the world around me.
  • To feel free to vent when necessary.  In hopes to better understand myself.
  • To have a place where I can talk through the unknown of this life that I now live.

Ok, I know, life is always an unknown.  However, this life I am living is farther to the left of anything I imagined many years ago when I was just a tanned, carefree teenager, life guarding for a summer job.

I believe in my heart, I am accomplishing each of these things.  I am not going to say accomplished, as with everything in life, not all goals are made to be attained.  You just continue to strive toward them.

I have learned so very much from reading fellow bloggers.  I have found a sense of peace at times in my thoughts.  A sense of normalcy.  Growing up, feelings were those things that did not happen.  They did not exist.  You did not discuss them, therefore you do not have them.  For this reason, I have always felt a sense of shame trying to express something.  Shame, that I even think it.  What gives me that right?

I want to thank you out there in the blog world.  You have given me that right.  You have helped me see that I always had it.  That it is ok, to express what you feel.  That, although, not all will be happy to hear them.  In the end that is their issue to deal with.  That, we as people do not need to own everyone else’s issues.  It is not my place to take on everything so that, my friends and family can live stress free.

I am worth more than that.  I am not saying to just dump life in general on them but that I only have to own what is truly mine and what I may choose to take on.  That I do not have to allow someone to force it on me.

It is quiet freeing to acknowledge that you are only taking on what is yours and what you choose.  I will admit, it does cause much strife for those around me at times….  However, what matters most is the life I live and who I live it with.  He is upstairs, asleep on the sofa.  Quite filthy I may add.  But hey, that adds to the manly appeal right!  GO CONSTRUCTION WORKERS!

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2 responses

  1. You are good at this, all of it! Lesrning to live after the loss of you child is no small feat, and you my friend are doing an amazing job of charting these uncharted waters.

    September 22, 2015 at 9:56 pm

  2. I love your blog and missed you very much when you took a break (or whatever happened for that interval when I couldn’t find you). Your writing is so you. So honest. So visceral. So rich with memory and reflection. Sometimes funny. Sometimes sad. As I said, so you.

    September 22, 2015 at 11:55 pm

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