Merry Christmas

Sending warm wishes for a Merry Christmas to all far and wide.

Today, will bring a mix of feelings.  Joy, love, cheer, sadness and a sense of emptiness.  How can one feel all of those things at once?

Living with empty arms.

Last evening, as we stood at our son’s grave, all of these feelings were present.  What would he have wanted from Santa?  His reaction this morning as he rose to find gifts under the tree and candy in his stocking?  The laughter and giggles that will never be heard around our tree.

We each have large families and holidays are spent at many big gatherings.  Last evening, there were 22 of us.  Food and drinks.  Today there will be much the same for dinner at my Grandmother’s.  Our numbers are quite low, with many cousins living away.  We will be present, however, it will be difficult.  We know the joy of a large family.  Stories, memories, making new.  However, there is a huge hole in our hearts that will never repair.  It longs for our son.

As we stood last evening, my husband asked, “When will this pain end?”  “Never, I said.  Those that tell us otherwise, have never stood here on Christmas Eve.”

Merry Christmas to all.  May your hearts be filled with warmth.  May you make memories that will last your whole life through.  With love from our home to yours.

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2 responses

  1. My heart aches with yours as you miss beloved C at this time and all others. I hope you two survive the holidays and find some joy in the coming year though your grief will be your forever companion.

    December 25, 2015 at 6:26 pm

    • Jo

      Thank you.

      December 31, 2015 at 9:53 am

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