Day 2, 2016

I have always been guarded with my inner most self.  There are only a handful of people that ever truly knew-know just who is inside of here.  Umm an ex-boyfriend, one ex-fiancé, 4 very close friends and some guy I call hubby.  We shall refer to them as the chosen.  Hahaha.  No, I really do not think that much of myself, however given my childhood, defense was always a safer bet with ones feelings, emotions, inner most secrets.  Otherwise, they could be used against you.

Since “C“ passed away, I have taken my defenses to a new level.  Entering the blogging world has given me that outlet that I have needed to express myself.  The one that only the “chosen“ know is in here.  I have a tough, defensive exterior.  However, deep inside I am much more complex, more shattered than I have ever been.

It is funny sometimes what triggers thoughts and memories.  Just looking at that calendar pic from yesterday triggered this…

 In my childhood I attended a summer camp.  As I got older there were also winter sessions.  In my later teens, I only had time for winter, as I had summer employment.  23 years ago this week I received a letter.  We had met at the lake on summer break. His best friend and I knew each other from summer camp and school sports.  Thus, began my friendship and beginnings of my relationship with my first love.  It was through these letters that we learned of each other.   So much is lost these days with social media.  One line and one word answers.

When I met my DH I was working the night shift.  I also had a second job, working every other weekend.  I lived alone and needed the extra to pay the bills.  When we met, we had little time to spend together due to our jobs.  Therefore, we spent much time conversing on the phone in the evenings.

I realize in life that not all are blessed with these types of relationships.  Please, let me clarify.  I am in no way trying to imply that I have a perfect marriage, good communication or the like.   We are normal, working, tired individuals.  However, I feel that given how our relationship began, I feel that it has helped us in many ways.

I see my brother and sister-in-law.  They have been together for 5 years.  They are glued to their individual phones.  Yes, they communicate constantly.  Perhaps too much given the phones are glued to them at all times.  I mean we had play by plays from the boys at their bachelor party 3 hours away when we were at a dance club at 2 am.  I look at them and wonder what we would be like had we met now.  Would we be as close.  Thank goodness I will never have to know!

 

 

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