Holidays

Send warm wishes to all near and far.

Christmas.  I have most presents bought and wrapped.  They are not delivered.  I did send some cards in the mail this week.

No, my tree is not up.  No, I cannot even fathom when I might feel like it.  Perhaps this weekend..  Who knows.

I have been absent for a time.  My birthday has come and gone.  This past year has been trying for me.  I am on a road of self discovery.  Who am I?  Who am I supposed to be?  What am I supposed to be?

I am no closer to the answers.  I know that I am a wife.  I am C’s mother.  However, where do I go from here?  What do I fill our lives with from here on?

It has been 41/2 years since C passed away.  No, this holiday is no better.  No different.  The gut wrenching pain.  The loneliness.  The want.

No cute curly haired 4 year old to buy Santa gifts for.  No one to bake cookies with.  No one to read Christmas stories to.

Yes, we do have and find joy in our lives when and where we can.  Santa is bring us snowshoes.  I cannot wait to take my husband out for the day.  Build a fire, roast hotdogs and marshmallows.  I have bought a few special things for him from Santa.  I always try and make Christmas the best I can for him.  That is the least that I can do for the love of my life.

On New Year’s we stay we stay in and I bake all day.  All of his favorite snacks. We then watch movies.

Sending out much love and wishes to all you and yours for a warm, joyous and wonderful Holiday this year and best wishes for all in the coming year.

Luv,

C’s Mommy

 

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3 responses

  1. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas. I’ll be holding you and C in my heart.

    December 15, 2016 at 10:59 am

    • Jo

      Sending much love across the country and big hugs to you three! I will be thinking of you Christmas morning and all the excitement!

      December 15, 2016 at 11:03 am

  2. Holding you in my heart. Your plans sound lovely. xoxo

    December 18, 2016 at 11:57 am

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