I sit here at my desk today and look ahead. I Have spent the last 4 months scared to look ahead due to the number I will be turning. Also, the likelihood that I may be able to achieve the pregnant status again.
I am done with that. I am looking ahead. I have almost 7 months to get this goal completed. I have added a little counter in the side column to remind me that I do have goals. I am worth these goals. I will kick this goal in the ASS!
My goal is to be expecting before New Years Eve. There I said it out loud! Here is to hoping I am an overachiever! Hahaha.
Update on post Scared…
Now at 4 BFN. And still BFN! No AF. No BFP. Yes, I know, wait 3 days. Whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who the H writes this crap on the instructions? It is pretty obvious they do not suffer from infertility! Hahaha.. It is called wait 8 hours and call it good. Cannot even think of what it could be.
Keep second guessing myself that I forgot to chart something. But let’s be real about this. What infertile woman doesn’t know EVERYTHING that is going on with her body. So of course that brings on the other stresses. We shall not name any at this time. But you all know what they are.
Thank goodness, I already have a DR appointment tomorrow. Guess I will be adding a couple of things to the list of needed, in my blood work. It is not safe for a woman in my position to not know what is going on. We can make up far to many scenarios in our mind. Oh land!
Too scared to think about this. To scared to wish. You know the feeling? You are late and you think, is that a twitch. What is that. Is my cycle coming. Is this a sign…..Or am I pregnant. Is this really it this time. After almost four years of tracking everything. I have seen a lot of BFN’s. I have only seen one BFP. I had a couple of faint BFP’s but only one that was holy crap that thing has TWO LINES. Sunday is my son’s birthday. It is too much to wish that I would get a BFP on that day. Too meaningful. So, for now I will continue to ignore the huge calendar in my binder. You know, the one that has my entire TTC journey on it. I am ignoring it. It doesn’t exist. Let’s just hope I do not need to take it out and mark an x to complete this cycle and start a new one for the beginning of the 26th cycle since we started TTC after losing our son.