What do I want to accomplish as a blogger?
Well, I know that for each blogger the answer to this will be different. I never aspired to be living large.
I actually never thought that I would even have a blog to begin with. Well, I never thought I would be faced with the reality of trying to live my life with no laughing children in my home either. I look back at what my goals were in the beginning. I compare them with today..
My goals today:
- To connect with people in similar circumstances.
- To find understanding by connecting with and reading other people’s views.
- To have an avenue to express my thoughts without repercussions from the world around me.
- To feel free to vent when necessary. In hopes to better understand myself.
- To have a place where I can talk through the unknown of this life that I now live.
Ok, I know, life is always an unknown. However, this life I am living is farther to the left of anything I imagined many years ago when I was just a tanned, carefree teenager, life guarding for a summer job.
I believe in my heart, I am accomplishing each of these things. I am not going to say accomplished, as with everything in life, not all goals are made to be attained. You just continue to strive toward them.
I have learned so very much from reading fellow bloggers. I have found a sense of peace at times in my thoughts. A sense of normalcy. Growing up, feelings were those things that did not happen. They did not exist. You did not discuss them, therefore you do not have them. For this reason, I have always felt a sense of shame trying to express something. Shame, that I even think it. What gives me that right?
I want to thank you out there in the blog world. You have given me that right. You have helped me see that I always had it. That it is ok, to express what you feel. That, although, not all will be happy to hear them. In the end that is their issue to deal with. That, we as people do not need to own everyone else’s issues. It is not my place to take on everything so that, my friends and family can live stress free.
I am worth more than that. I am not saying to just dump life in general on them but that I only have to own what is truly mine and what I may choose to take on. That I do not have to allow someone to force it on me.
It is quiet freeing to acknowledge that you are only taking on what is yours and what you choose. I will admit, it does cause much strife for those around me at times…. However, what matters most is the life I live and who I live it with. He is upstairs, asleep on the sofa. Quite filthy I may add. But hey, that adds to the manly appeal right! GO CONSTRUCTION WORKERS!
I sit here at my desk today and look ahead. I Have spent the last 4 months scared to look ahead due to the number I will be turning. Also, the likelihood that I may be able to achieve the pregnant status again.
I am done with that. I am looking ahead. I have almost 7 months to get this goal completed. I have added a little counter in the side column to remind me that I do have goals. I am worth these goals. I will kick this goal in the ASS!
My goal is to be expecting before New Years Eve. There I said it out loud! Here is to hoping I am an overachiever! Hahaha.
I am enrolled in the new Blogger 201. I thought this would be an excellent opportunity to learn more about my blogging and strive to be better.
Yesterday our assignment was to set three goals for ourselves. I think I have always had goals and been trying to work toward them.
1 – To connect with other women – families who have suffered the loss of a child. To connect with those suffering with infertility.
2 – To post at least once per week. I set this goal when I began blogging as I have outside stresses in life and felt this was completely attainable for me
3 – Learn to better express myself and to create a more visual blog.
Each of these goals could be measured. I will set goals to blog at least twice per week. I would like to have 100 followers before July 1st. That would be the six month mark for my blog.
Today`s assignment is to audit our brand. I have tweaked here and there over past weeks. Today I have been checking out themes, changing wording and pictures. I am still not completely happy with it all. Sometimes I think better if I take a step back. So I will leave what I have done for today and perhaps over the next few days I will have some better ideas to help it along. I have been thinking of adding a couple of pages to my blog. One a timeline of our infertility, and secondly a timeline of events for our son`s life.
Well time to sleep on it!
I have had a few days to get my feet wet and think about this.
Why am I blogging?
Well, for many reasons. A way to express myself. My thoughts, my experiences. To connect with other people.
After the loss of my son, many things in life became much more clear. What types of things do I want to let into my life? What thoughts and criticisms will I listen to and take to heart?
Maybe another father, mother, grandmother, will take comfort in hearing our experiences. My husband and I at most times have felt very much alone. Not understood. Pushed to “get over it” to “Move on”.
As with all parents our son is the center of our life. Although, I am not able to tuck in my child each night. Nor will I ever hear the sound of my son’s voice calling me Mommy. We are forever more Mommy and Daddy.
I will most likely blog about my interests (cooking, quilting, reading, knitting, days at the lake) and how our family lives each day with empty arms. Our journey trying to conceive our second child with infertility.