Last fall I wrote a post about my friend titled No Words.
Today I am in the same place. I have no words. Or rather I have many. Many words that I wish to shout, to yell to spit. I am angry.
My friend’s daughter is not well. The shit is back. They did surgery last fall to remove the tumor and placed rods in her spine. She had treatments. She was doing well. There are more tumors. She is an amazing girl and fighting. She has fought since the day she was born. I have never met anyone who is stronger than this beautiful young woman.
I am praying. I am fighting the fight in my mind for them. I am scared for my friend. I do not want her to join my club. How much does a mother have to endure in life?
Life is testing what Faith I have left. I have hope that all will be well and I send them much LOVE.
I wanted to share with you some pictures that I took a few years ago. My husband, myself and a group of friends and family went camping for the weekend. At least once per year in my childhood we would go camping in Baxter State Park. This particular weekend we camped at Mount Carleton. One picture is part way up the trail to the summit.
I compare this climb to life. At times it feels never ending. It is a hard, tough, exhausting climb. Each and every step is a thought, a decision, a bump in the road. I know that eventually I will clear the tree line and will see the beauty around me. It will all be worth the sacrifice. At times it just feels hard to imagine that it will come.
I have included a picture at the summit. This is the view that I wish for myself, my family and all of you. I have to remind myself each day that I know what the view will be when I climb higher through infertility, grief, pain and loss. This view is the view I remember when I heard my son’s first cry and held his hand for the first time. This view is one I remember when I said “I do” on my wedding day. This view will be the one I will see when I hold my second child on the day they are born.
This view equals hope.