Posts tagged “Judgement

Definition of Motherhood

Definition: The state of being a mother.  Reference: Merriam-Webster.

Recently, my mother has mentioned several times that a family member keeps bringing up the subject of grandchildren.   She made the following statement this week.  “You will never have any grandchildren of your own.” So, by this statement you would deduce that I am not a Mother.??

Can you help me to understand this statement?  I really am at a loss.

It appears lately she has been fixated on the fact that most of my female cousins do not have children.  She cannot get past it and keeps bringing up the subject to my mother.  Given that my sister got married a year ago, now the competition is on again.  I mean who keeps tally of such a personal thing as this?

Only two of the 7 cousins have given birth.  One cousin passed away before marriage.  One had several miscarriages in her early 30’s and has not tried again.  One had a full hysterectomy at 27.  One does not want children. 

I have one full sibling.  She married last year and has not had any children yet.  I have 6 step-nieces and nephews, making my mother their Nanny.  She is also Nanny to our son C.

Ummm….I did not fill out a survey when my son was born indicating how many days I would like him to be with us on earth…  I did in fact conceive him and gave birth to him.  Yes, I remember all to well the drive to the hospital in labor, as well as the following 10 hours leading up to his birth by emergency C-section.

So, her rationalization is that my son’s death erased his existence and therefore, my Motherhood?

I have been tossing this information around for a few days and weeks now.  I can say that I am completely angry.  I am in shock.  How could someone in my own family be that hurtful?  How could someone be that.. what is the word…uneducated.  Umm, perhaps not the correct term but you know where I am going…

All I could stammer out to my Mother was the following:

Perhaps, you could inform her that I have already won the competition, 3+ years ago.  I have a child.  I am the one that held him as he took his dying breath.  A life, I might add that I would have given my own for.  A life that I begged God to spare.