Yesterday was perfect driving weather. Perfect temp, leaves were awesome.
I received a call from a childhood friend, who is home for a visit. So off we went for a jaunt. We scooted down to the lakes and around the countryside. Even took a moment to play at the beach! As you can see I planned ahead and wore my old sneakers! Just thought I would share some of the beauty of the day with all of you. Happy Tuesday from my little corner of the world.
Umm… That is about as far as I am able to look into that subject…
I have made a few steps to do a few things around the house.
Saturday I did my gardening. I must say, I picked up a new flower. It is beautiful. Ok, I must confess. I picked up a few new flowers but here is one. One pot for my beds and one for C’s grave. I keep a pot of something there all year. Currently is a pot of deep dark purple Cala Lilies.
Sunday, DH and I went to the Lake for the day. Visiting and had supper. It is tradition in my family to open the cottage on this weekend and we have family dinner on Sunday at 6 pm. The numbers were low this year. Only 10. A lot of the family has moved across the country in recent years.
Monday, I cut firewood. Check check. That is done for fall. All wood has been felled and ready for bucking up come September. Turned out to be a good day in the woods. Slight breeze, no bugs and only 10″ of mud in the mud holes on the road. Although the first tree we cut, Dad bungled up the saw. “Dad, where is the axe?” there is a slight pause….. “In home……” Which is a 6 minute walk to the truck, and a 10 minute drive in one direction. We improvised and made a come-a-long with a pole and a length of chain. Whew…
Oh, PS for those that did not know. I am not a girly girl. Hahahaha. I cut wood, I help hay in the summer, I garden, do yard work etc.. Whatever is needed. My feminine vice is a pedicure once monthly. (Saturday, I picked a lovely shade of blue in memory of C)
I believe summer has come to my neck of the woods. Which I am grateful as I cannot wait for my lilies to bloom, nights at the lake, lying in bed listening to the loons, paddles in the canoe and a few fireworks here and there.
Perhaps, if I just continue on the future will fall into place. That is the first time in 3 years that I even worried about what tomorrow brings. Maybe this is a sign………
My family has a standing Sunday Dinner date at our family cottage at the late. It is at 5:30 pm every Sunday from May until September. Throughout my childhood and teens there were many of us. Most often having 30+ at the “table” for supper. Some family, some like family.
You see the lake is a way of life for us. My grandparents built the cottage in 1972. It is all I know. Myself, my two siblings and eight cousins. Waterskiing, kneeboarding, canoeing, swimming, fishing, eating wagon wheels of watermelon on the front deck. You name it. We have done it.
This year is no different. I am blessed to have a close family. But, at times that can be scary in our situation. You see, we no longer feel like we fit, we belong. There are five of us, that are all born in a 6 year period. We all grew up very close. Despite three of them living three provinces away during our younger years. You name it we got into it! Well you cannot prove it…………..
This weekend two of my cousins are home with their families from away. Yesterday was Sunday. All week I have looked forwarded to seeing my loved ones and have missed them much. But with that comes a day spent with six children under 7 years of age. I have been fearful.
At one point yesterday afternoon, I was standing on the shore looking out and lost it. Completely. Sobbing. I had to go to our car and collect myself. One of my cousins saw me go and followed. I think I scared her. She has two beautiful boys. A four-year old and 19 months old. She had two very high risk pregnancies and suffered a miscarriage with her first. I think I truly scared her. I scared myself. I was doing ok. Or so I thought, and then it hits. There is just no warning. You see in your vision the shadow of what should be your own 25 month old son playing in the lake, throwing rocks, digging in the dirt. What will never be. You watch the look on your husband’s face, all day, as he watches the children play. How he looks when he picks up the youngest when he trips on a rock. Dusts him off and away he goes. You feel the guilt of not being able to give that to him for himself.
I tried to explain to my cousin. It is not you guys. We love you all very much. It just feels like we do not belong anymore. We are those people. Even with our own family.
Each day is a new day and a new outlook sometimes but no matter what C you are every present. You are much-loved and much missed.